Spark of Life

This was written a few weeks back after V and I went to enjoy some live music.
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Tonight I experienced a sort of awakening. That in itself implies that one was asleep, or at best sleep walking. But I was awakened to the complexities of simplicity. There were notes put together by a group of musicians calling themselves The Ragbirds, but the notes could not be contained or explained in simple terms. Thus the compexity of simplicity. While there are only 12 notes to string together to form melodies and chord structures, each individual bent those notes to express uninvented words.

There was a joy that you could see on every person in the room, and each one used their bodies as instruments to communicate back in response to those amazing colorful notes. One couldn’t help but wonder at the amazement of expression and connection. Many talk of a holy moment, or better yet many holy moments in life. Well the crowd gathered tonight were not merely a group of drunken fools, but a collaboration of words that had no form, becoming expressions that could only be experienced not heard or merely read. Holy worshipers of a sort, not focusing their worship to an unknown or non-existent god, but realizing the full expression of worship inside of themselves, for the very accident of life that we all are.

It’s these holy moments that cause you to step back and ask… This joy and expression that was expereienced, is it something that evolved in man, or is there some sort of universal connection that causes the spark of life to shine in our midst?

Quit making excuses

I originally wrote this back in December 2008, and titled it “Random Thoughts”. But after reading it again, these thoughts are not random at all, but clear thoughts on my journey out of the fog! Enjoy!

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If there is anything that I believe at this point in my life, it is that there is a greatness in man that has continued to be suppressed in the name of an unseen god. Too many men give their creativity and their lives over to the idea that their life is meant for nothing more than to serve his fellow man, or worse yet… that this life is just preparation for eternity. What an easy way to escape the responsibility of living here an now.

I don’t disagree with the idea of helping others less fortunate than ourselves, but I do disagree with the conditions placed on that help. I don’t disagree with the idea of considering others above yourself, if it is not based on a command or an belief system that claims that everyone should live this way.

I agree there are and should be moral laws that govern our civilizations, but don’t believe god to be the giver of those laws. Those laws were birthed from our own human experience and the experiences of those that have gone on before us. I see the beautiful heart of man at work in the many selfless things I see him do of his own accord, and find joy in doing that myself.

I see too many humans suffering under the banner of belief, excusing away any other idea that may bring more healing and wholeness to them than the emptiness of their supernatural longings. The supernatural in and of itself is nothing more than excusing away the reasons why something doesn’t work.

quick thoughts

I haven’t written in awhile as I’ve been processing many of my thoughts. This, I’ve come to realize will be a lifelong journey of discovery and amazement. Here are a few of my recent ponderings:

Why do people hold fast to traditional beliefs, and justify their commitment to them by faith alone?
If by faith you mean: “strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof”, or “the evidence of things hoped for but not yet attained”, which is the definition given by people of faith. I say, how can you justify anything with something you’ve made up in your will and mind to exist? By very definition, faith is believing in something that you can’t prove exists. Couldn’t what they believe actually have been the original conception of some other man’s mind, without ‘divine’ inspiration? 

Are you living in fear if you get angry at someone that presents a different point of view?
Let’s just be honest and tell it like it is. You’ve had to have had someone lash out at you or because of their personality… simply ignore or refuse to talk to you, for no other reason than you expressed a differing idea or point of view. Even if you are just looking to explore other thoughts or ideas, without actually making them your own.

Why do people sacrifice relationships on the alter of identity preservation, when their identity is wrapped in a belief or an idea. Shouldn’t our identity be wholly ours alone? Maybe that’s the problem… we’ve been duped into thinking that we are not our own, we are part of a greater ideal in which we exist not for ourselves, but for what someone else has deemed is greater. Is that why our only significant relationships tend to be based in what we do or do not believe?

 

Einstein quote today

Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.

newbie…

ok, I admit that I am new to this bike riding thing. I’ve ridden bikes for many years, but mainly as a casual, ‘lets ride around the block’ sort of thing. Up here in the Traverse area, there are some serious riders. They have all the outfits, the $4000 bikes, and they wear helmets. I have to be honest, I’ve never worn a helmet while riding a bicycle! So, I’m finding myself enjoying this new found sport of riding, and try to average about 10 – 18 miles a day. My legs are burning, even now, and feel like they are going to fall off. And I finished my ride last night, 16 hours ago.

Also, I saw a guy that is staying at the resort pass me one day in his truck, and I’m like “why didn’t you stop and pick me up”, not that I needed it, but it would have been the thought that counted. And he said “were you the guy with the burgundy shirt on that nice yellow bike?” I’m like “yeah, that was me”. He said “I thought you were just some mexican guy that stole somebody’s expensive bike”. 
Now I have to tell you, this guys is not a racist, it’s just the humor we share with each other. But that got me to thinking. Here I am riding a pretty nice bike, in the only sports shorts that I have (and they are definitely not bike riding shorts), with no helmet… dark skinned with arm tattoos.

I must be a sight for all the professional riders out there. “Who does this guy think he is, trying to enter into our world?” I’m sure most of them wouldn’t say that, but it is kinda funny.

I really enjoy riding and pushing myself, and I’m sure that at some point I’ll put a helmet on, mainly because I’m a clumsy clutch (don’t tell my wife, I almost wiped out the other day going pretty fast on the side of the road). I guess a helmet would help a little, even though most people tell me I have a hard head. 

Until my helmet and riding outfit arrive (which probably won’t, as I haven’t ordered any), I will just continue to ride hard, and who knows, I may end up being the next Lance Armstrong.

18 miles later

Well, I ended up riding 18 miles yesterday up here in the north country. I can’t tell you the amazing views you get while traveling some of the back roads. It’s worth all the pain that I feel when trying to pedal up some of these huge hills (yes I am out of shape). I have been slowly building up for longer and longer rides, starting out at 6 miles quite a few days in a row, then up to my 18 miles yesterday. 

There is a guy up here in his 60’s that rides 45 miles a day, and he has been the inspiration for me to get off my ass and pedal my brains out. If he can do it, what the hell is my problem. I’ve done little mountain biking, but I believe my preference is riding on the road. 

Once again I was able to get away with my thoughts, which at any given moment could be a great thing, or a completely depressing thing. But when you work to get your heart rate up and control your breathing (which I have to do with a mild case of asthma), you begin to feel a connection with the ability that you have in your body to overcome and press through. There tends to be a healing that takes place when you continually set new goals, and see yourself achieve them. Whether it is the next hill that looks insurmountable, or the return ride home… both take a clarity of mind and focus. I guess that’s the same with life, and I have identified that more clearly now, then at any other point in my life. The only way to achieve the goals we have, is to gain clarity and focus on the immediate need. And once you attain that, move on to the next hill. Eventually the ride home will actually lead somewhere.

Blowing in the wind

I found myself breathless this morning, partly from the internal turmoil that threatens my sanity, and partly from the leaves waving in the wind atop the hill just beyond me. On the one hand there is a burning inside coming from a place of fear, and on the other a calming from an outside force.

There is an unexplainable energy that flows in the wind here in the hills of northern Michigan, that you don’t get everywhere. Is it our imagination that we somehow feel more in tune with? Is it just that it is not the same as where you have spent most of your life? Is the air different here, not as polluted as some of the larger metropolitan areas where we struggle day to day to sustain the illusion of a good life? 

Whatever it is, it is keeping the demons lurking in the dark, at bay, and for that alone, I am thankful.

I’ve heard many people these last 6 weeks, that are first time visitors, say that this is one of the most beautiful places they have ever been. Now keep in mind, that many of them are world travelers, and aren’t just from Detroit, Saginaw, or the Flint area. They sense the same thing that I have morning and evening of every day that I have been here. I would even go as far as to say that my mind has been clearer, and my ability to try to discover the future has been sharp.

While the plans for the future seem solid, and a worthy road to travel. I have yet to see the provision needed to sustain life, until even the basics of this plan come to pass. If it were just I alone on this road, the sacrifice would be a worthwhile one. But I have an on the court basketball team that I have the privilege to coach and lead. Even though I know they would follow to the ends of this earth, and climb any mountain… I am left sitting here wondering how much they can really take.

Where is the line between security and false security? I see many pursue the likes of both without even knowing it. Now I don’t presume to be any better, or on a higher plane than anyone else… but I have become very good at seeing the difference between the two. But when you are responsible for more than yourself, how far is too far? The only answer that I find this morning, is blowing in the wind, and I can’t quite seem to find my own breath long enough to catch it.

Morning

As of late I have been waking up early, getting a jumpstart on the day. The mornings here at WCR have been unbelievable. The temperature drops to the mid 50’s while we are sleeping, and within a few hours of sunrise, it starts climbing up rather quickly. The days here have been beautiful and 80 degrees, usually with a light wind. Who wouldn’t love weather like that, and I have to say it’s been that way for almost 4 weeks up here. There is something calming, and energizing all at the same time about being in a place surrounded by hills and water. You end up being moved in your inmost being, and feel more alive than normal, whatever normal is for most folk. So for me, it has been very therapeutic. 

But this morning I awoke with a heaviness that I can’t quite explain, I guess my thoughts are catching up with my optimism, and trying to shut it down. Your thoughts can have a way of doing that to you, usually before you realize what is happening… but I recognize it today. Even in the midst of all this beauty, I can’t seem to shake this feeling of… I want to say hopelessness, but that’s not what it is… but pretty close. 

We, as a family, have had a lot of things happen over the last year or so, and I have to say that for the most part, everyone has stood strong and we have enjoyed every precious moment of each day. We have nothing, yet we need for nothing. We are homeless, yet we have a home. We are stranded, yet we are mobile. We long for old friends, yet we have met many new ones. We long for a better life, but who wouldn’t want our life? 

All these ramblings come from another place of uncertainty. No plan that I have tried to make seems to be coming to pass. Try as I may, most of the doors I try to open… close. What does all of this mean? It’s getting harder and harder to be the strong one, even though I know I have the capacity and the strength. We are not in a desperate situation as of yet, but the next month will reveal our next phase. How to get there will be the question we have yet to answer. But, as in the past, the future will reveal it’s truth to us as we continue to savor each and every breath we take. We are not lost as some would believe, but only finding ourselves in the mourning of an old life left behind.

No time for my thoughts

There has been quite a bit happening lately, that I haven’t had time with my thoughts. My grandfather passed away only 2 months after being diagnosed with cancer. He had just turned 79. That in itself is enough to think about with regards to this life we live. My grandmother Eva, grandps first wife, was the most amazing person I have ever had the opportunity to know, let alone love. She died when I was only 13 of stomach cancer… she was only 52! 

How is it that life’s cards are dealt? Who says one person lives till 52, 79, or even 18 like my younger brother? Fragility is all that comes to mind. We all want to believe that we are stronger than death, and that we can handle whatever comes our way. And for the most part, I do believe that what doesn’t kill us, does make us stronger. But stronger for what? To slave the rest of our lives hoping to one day enjoy the fruits of our labor? To make just enough money, so that we don’t have to worry about the future. What happens when that’s all you chase? Money; Retirement; the golden years. What about today?

I have finally started reading again, and have chosen Walden, by Henry James Thoreau. I am not far into it, but have been captivated by his thoughts. There is so much more to gain by finding your thoughts, and not being lost in the busyness of today. Here are a couple of quotes:

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us. 
-Henry David Thoreau 

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. 
-Henry David Thoreau 

How true I have found these thoughts in my life recently, with regard to the encounters I have had. Meeting people from many walks of life, and many differing financial positions. There seems to be a commonality among those that travel this world with their eyes wide open… Life is beautiful every day you create anew. 

I am saddened by the loss of loved ones, and even the loss of friendships that once seemed true. But one thing is certain, today… right this very moment, I am alive!

–paul

6-Pack Family

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